you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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