Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
