i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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