I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
worst night to have a conscience
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
