chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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