this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
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We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
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