That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Send help, water and tortillas.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
