overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
