I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
A bitchslap is in order.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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