Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
