We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
