You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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