I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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