after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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