Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
