I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
