Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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