Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
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He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
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Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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