Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You can't special order awesome
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
