idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
