How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
