Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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