I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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