I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish you could order shots online.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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