There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
