Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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