His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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