whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
