jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
