I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
