she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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