in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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