new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
