another moral hangover. fuck.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
