So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
