We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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