I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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