we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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