I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
