Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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