Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i've created a new STD.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
