maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
