Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
