you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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