A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
