I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
