Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
