So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
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In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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