i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
