Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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