I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
my poor anus
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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