She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
