I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
