Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
