You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
