I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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