I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
