I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
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I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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