Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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