it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
