I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
