I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
