matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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