the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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