fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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