Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize