Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo

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  (586): Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo http://tfl.nu/x92b
  Replies (2) Good night (1367) Bad night (631)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.

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  (978): I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work. http://tfl.nu/5w8x
  Replies (16) Good night (2216) Bad night (645)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?

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  (561): So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell? http://tfl.nu/0nz8
  Replies (44) Good night (7467) Bad night (1066)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.

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  (614): My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation. http://tfl.nu/2cc3
  Replies (12) Good night (781) Bad night (5054)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls

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  (305): I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls http://tfl.nu/u8nd
  Replies (96) Good night (6890) Bad night (861)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.

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  (312): I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night. http://tfl.nu/6of9
  Replies (11) Good night (6229) Bad night (992)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.

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  (409): There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard. http://tfl.nu/fxyx
  Replies (9) Good night (4792) Bad night (1174)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship

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  (954): Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship http://tfl.nu/znld
  Replies (8) Good night (1317) Bad night (3607)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  he seriously made his penis a facebook.

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  (480): he seriously made his penis a facebook. http://tfl.nu/bto1
  Replies (15) Good night (4313) Bad night (1780)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.

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  (305): he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad. http://tfl.nu/2uqd
  Replies (7) Good night (2013) Bad night (719)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  So the keyword here is "hammered"?

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  (404): And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right? (1-404): So the keyword here is "hammered"? http://tfl.nu/1kxs
  Replies (1) Good night (1407) Bad night (383)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.

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  (801): I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow. http://tfl.nu/o553
  Replies (8) Good night (988) Bad night (571)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink

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  (402): I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink http://tfl.nu/3wto
  Replies (8) Good night (851) Bad night (276)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into

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  (313): Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into http://tfl.nu/0v44
  Replies (1) Good night (268) Bad night (790)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!

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  (678): No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing! http://tfl.nu/2stv
  Replies (1) Good night (563) Bad night (242)

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