You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.