this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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