As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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