Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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