you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
