I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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