I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
