He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
