How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
All the doctor said was why
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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