dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
