I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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