He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
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I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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