just come out here and I will go home with you...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
