Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
