After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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