i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
