Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
soo... how was my night?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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