Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
